I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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