I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
