My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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