I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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