I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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