im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
