Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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