He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
