i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
