my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
