why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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