garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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