I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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