Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
