Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
did i just pee glitter
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
