they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
