He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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