It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
