my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
