I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
