Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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