I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
