did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
