did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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