What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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