come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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