nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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