We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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