when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
