it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
