I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I believe in your delicious
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
