fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
