he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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