That's intense
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
