I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Randomize
