barbara walters just said penis...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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