this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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