a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
