I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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