you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
