I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
