I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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