My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
