so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
