i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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