Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
