hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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