Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
