I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
