shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's JV to your varsity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have feelings that need drinking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
did i just pee glitter
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