..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
