if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
