Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
