Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
