In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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