She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
