my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
